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82 Funny, Inspiring, Short Golf Quotes

Keith Moehring
June 2, 2024
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Sponsor signs are a great way to give extra visibility and value to your charity golf outing’s hole sponsors. Placed either at the tee box and/or around the green, these signs often include sponsor logos, images, and ideally website addresses. 

However, to get your sponsors the biggest bang for their buck, you need to give golfers a reason to pay attention to the signage. To do this, consider adding quotes, facts or fun tidbits. 

Types of Sign Quotes

Depending on the inspiration behind your outing, there are a few approaches you can take:

  • Fighting a Health Condition: Stats about who is affected and how many, as well as facts about the malady itself, and what it’ll take to find a cure. 
  • Remembering / Supporting a Loved One: Their favorite sayings, pictures or fond memories are always appreciated, especially by those who knew / know the person best. 
  • Supporting a Nonprofit: Facts and information about the program or organization, including how many people are supported, active programs, and quotes from those who have benefited. 

If you’re looking to draw attention to your signs, we also recommend adding in fun visuals or quotes. To help with the latter, we’ve pulled together as many quality golf quotes as we can find from golf legends, comedians, movies, authors, and anonymous sources. We tried to pick only those that can easily fit on a sign, but that proved harder than we expected. 

Golf Legend Quotes

The more I practice the luckier I get. – Arnold Palmer

Winning isn’t everything, but wanting it is. – Arnold Palmer

The road to success is always under construction. – Arnold Palmer

I have a tip that will take five strokes off anyone’s golf game. It’s called an eraser. – Arnold Palmer

Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening – and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented. – Arnold Palmer

Concentration comes out of a combination of confidence and hunger. – Arnold Palmer

Placing the ball in the right position for the next shot is eighty percent of winning golf. – Ben Hogan

I play golf with my friends sometimes, but there are never friendly games. – Ben Hogan

A good golfer has the determination to win and the patience to wait for the breaks. – Gary Player

Golf is a puzzle without an answer. I’ve played the game for 40 years and I still haven’t the slightest idea how to play. – Gary Player

The proper score for a businessman golfer is 90. If he is better than that he is neglecting his business. If he’s worse, he’s neglecting his golf. – St. Andrews Rotary Club Member

Nobody asked how you looked, just what you shot. – Sam Snead

These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow. – Sam Snead

Happiness is a long walk with a putter. – Greg Norman

Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off. – Chi Chi Rodriguez

If you’re caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1–iron. Not even God can hit a 1–iron. – Lee Trevino

The older I get, the better I used to be. – Lee Trevino

Golf Movie Quotes

Golf and sex are about the only two things you can enjoy even if you’re not good at them. – Roy McAvoy, Tin Cup

You ever shoot par with a 7 iron? – Roy McAvoy, Tin Cup

Gambling is illegal at Bushwood sir, and I never slice. – Judge Smails, Caddyshack

Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. – Carl Spackler, Caddyshack

Former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac... It's in the hole! It's in the hole! It's in the hole. – Carl Spackler, Caddyshack

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need an expert opinion. – Carl Spackler, Caddyshack

See Carl’s full, epic story below. 

Don’t sell yourself short Judge, you’re a tremendous slouch. – Ty Webb, Caddyshack

This is your wife, huh? Hey baby, you must’ve been something before electricity. – Al Czervik

Doing the bull dance. Feelin’ the flow. Workin’ it. Workin’ it. – Gary Potter (Kevin Nealon), Happy Gilmore

Golf requires goofy pants and a fat ass. You should talk to my neighbor, the accountant. Probably a great golfer – huge ass. – Happy Gilmore, Happy Gilmore

The price is wrong, bitch. – Happy Gilmore, Happy Gilmore

If I saw myself in clothes like that I’d have to kick my own ass. – Happy Gilmore, Happy Gilmore

It’s all in the hips! — Chubbs, Happy Gilmore

Funny Golf Quotes

If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. – Jack Lemmon

We learn so many things from golf — how to suffer, for instance. – Bruce Lansky

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake. – Henny Youngman

Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture. – Winston Churchill

It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course. – Babe Ruth

The uglier a man’s legs are, the better he plays golf. It’s almost a law. – H.G. Wells

Golf is a good walk spoiled. – Mark Twain

Watching Phil Mickelson play golf is like watching a drunk chasing a balloon near the edge of a cliff. – David Feherty

Right near the end I’ll put a flat piece with a little flag to give you f**kin hope. – Robin Williams as the drunk Scotsman who invented golf

The manly sport of golf where you can dress like a pimp and no one will care. – Robin Williams

Golf is such an exciting game. Whack the ball, get in the cart. Whack the ball, get in the cart. – Robin Williams

The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. – Mickey Mantle

To find a man’s true character, play golf with him. – P.G. Wodehouse

I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. I'm really worried about myself. I was actually enjoying it. – Ewan McGregor

If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt. – Dean Martin

Actually, the only time I ever took out a one–iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took a 7 to do that. – Jim Murray

If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play at it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf. – Bob Hope

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. – Jack Benny

It’s not hard to keep your ball in the fairway, so long as you're not picky about which fairway. – Unknown

Golf is a game in which you yell "fore"... shoot six... and write down five. – Paul Harvey

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing. – Phyllis Diller

Golf is a game where the ball always lies poorly and the player always lies well. – Anonymous

If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age. – Thomas Mulligan

Someone once told me that there is more to life than golf. I think it was my ex–wife. – Bruce Lansky

That putt had more breaks than a government job. – Brian Weis

Golf's three ugliest words: still your shot. – David Marr

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead. – Bob Hope

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill–designed for the purpose. – Winston Churchill

I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. – Gerald Ford

Golf: A plague invented by the Calvinistic Scots as a punishment for man’s sins. – James Barrett Reston

Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul balls. – Unknown

I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose. – Gerald Ford

When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. – Wives of many golfers

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. – Billy Graham

Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good. Unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off. – Bruce Lansky

I don't care to join any club that's prepared to have me as a member. – Groucho Marx

Show me a man with a great golf game, and I’ll show you a man who has been neglecting something. – John F. Kennedy

On being asked, before his final round, what he had to shoot to win the golf tournament. – "The rest of the field. – Roger Maltbie

Ever watch golf on TV? It’s like watching flies f**k. – George Carlin

Think of the brains it takes to play golf. Hitting a ball with a crooked stick, and then walking after it. And then hitting it again. I say pick it up a$$ hole. You’re lucking you found it. Put it in your pocket and go the f**ck home will ya! – George Carlin 

There’s no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing. – Anonymous

My drinking team has a golfing problem. – Unknown

I don’t always one putt, but when I do it’s usually for double bogey. Unknown

Carl Spackler Golf Story

Consider spreading out this monologue over several holes. 

So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. 

So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one—big hitter, the Lama—long, into a ten–thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? "Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga–galunga." 

So we finish the 18th, and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?" And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.

Robin Williams The Invention of Golf

If you've never seen Robin Williams' Live on Broadway special, there is a part where he breaks down how drunk Scotsman invented golf. There are nothing but gems in here so long as you're OK using the F-word a lot.


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